This August, our Student Service Program Class of 2027 cohort came together for a virtual session built around a simple but powerful idea: The people you surround yourself with, and the courage you show them, shape who you all become. Titled Breaking the Circle, the session challenged students to widen their friend groups and find their voice when something doesn’t sit right.
Wisdom from Ryan Nece
Our founder, Ryan Nece, opened the evening with a phrase he actively works to push back against in his own life: “misery loves company.” Ryan shared how easy it is to get swept into a pile-on (i.e. where everyone is commiserating about how hard the day was, how much everything stinks) and how intentional he has to be about not feeding that energy in his own circles.
He also spoke candidly about authenticity. Ryan told the group that the times he tried hardest to fit in or conform were, ironically, the times he felt most uncomfortable. The lesson he’s carried forward: People respond to (and value) the most authentic version of you, not a performance.
He encouraged students to “fight the good fight,” even when it’s hard, and closed his remarks with advice from his mother that’s stuck with him for years: “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
Finding Real Commonality
One of the most practical pieces of the night was Ryan’s take on expanding your huddle. He pushed the group past the go-to opener: “How’s your day?” He pointed out how it almost always gets the same flat answer: “Fine.” Instead, he encouraged questions that actually invite connection:
- “What’s your favorite thing to eat for breakfast?”
- “What’s on your heart?”
He was honest that questions like these can take a conversation deep, fast, but that’s a feature, not a bug. Ryan’s point: It’s better to genuinely connect with someone than to stay safely surface-level.
Practicing the Tools
With that foundation, the students were able to more easily navigate the content of our lesson. We talked about cliques, and being an upstander vs. a bystander. The students even got hands-on. They practiced 3-word openers, which are quick, low-pressure ways to start a conversation with someone new. Students also worked through the 3 D’s (Direct, Distract, Delegate) as tools for stepping in when they see or hear something that doesn’t align with their values.
We asked ourselves what would we do in these three scenarios:
- Scenario 1: In the cafeteria, a group is making fun of a freshman’s outfit, loud enough for him to hear.
- Scenario 2: In a group chat, a joke starts getting mean, aimed at a girl who isn’t in the chat.
- Scenario 3: At practice, a JV teammate notices another JV teammate being excluded and mocked by two Varsity teammates every time coach isn’t looking.
We encourage you to ask yourself, “What would you do?”
Naming Our Core Values
Students went around and shared the core value guiding how they show up for others. The range of answers said a lot about this group: Inclusion, Respect, Loyalty, Integrity, Truth, Empathy, Honesty, Compassion, and even a callout to “respect towards parents.” Different words, same thread: A room full of young leaders thinking seriously about who they want to be.
Every student left with a commitment: To talk to someone new this week. A small, specific action, but that’s exactly the kind of habit that expands a huddle one conversation at a time.
Closing Words
We ended the session with a phrase from our own Krystle: “Kindness is free.” And a reminder of what it takes to lead well: Being inclusive, being an upstander, and fighting the good fight, even when it’s hard.
